Or, Antisocial Networking
New Year’s resolutions:
- Lose weight
- Spend less, save more
- Unfriend at least 10 people
If you’ve spent any time on Facebook or any other social networking site, then you know how it works: it begins with a set of people you genuinely like, and you’re excited to have found a new, easy way to stay in touch.
Before long, you’re closer than you ever were (in a manner of speaking…). You’ve also rediscovered some long-lost friends. They’ve joined your Vampire Army. You’re playing Scrabulous with that woman who swore she’d never speak to you again. All is well.
And then… they arrive.
They’re the unwanted guests, the party crashers. They’re people you know, sure — but you don’t like them. And, far as you could tell, they never really liked you either. They remind you of your painful past in high school marching band.
Now you’ve got “friend requests” from all of them.
What do you do?
Miss Manners never really covered this sort of thing….
I know people who have actually quit Facebook because of this.
Sure, you can “ignore” their friend request, and if you do, they won’t even receive any notification. But they’ll know. (And they might even ask again. Awkward….)
Or you can be less confrontational: accept their request, and then act like your life has gone on unchanged. Except of course it has changed, because now your “News Feed” is littered with their boring updates about their boring lives.
If you’re feeling passive-aggressive, you can do what I do: accept their request. (You don’t want to be insulting….) Then, let a little time pass, and quietly, when no one’s looking — un-friend them. No doubt: un-friending is harsh. But it’s discrete, and if your ex-friends ever do notice, you can blame it on a “Facebook glitch” or “sunspots.” Works every time.
If you’re feeling especially resolved about trimming your list of friends, try this antisocial-networking Facebook application, created by Burger King: the WHOPPER® Sacrifice.
Install WHOPPER® Sacrifice on your Facebook profile and we’ll reward you with a free flame-broiled WHOPPER® Sandwich when you sacrifice 10 of your friends.
Be warned, though: unlike the subtler ways of un-friending, this application will go out of its way to notify your former friends. Also, free Whoppers might get in the way of your other, healthier New Year’s resolutions.