Today, our intern, Lauren Pully, and I were talking about Facebook and how she gave Facebook up for Lent. Lauren is computer science major at Columbia and has been working with us this past semester. This discussion with Lauren about Lent lead to a larger talk about college life and how she and her friends communicate. I thought what she had to say was so interesting that we created a brief FAQ.
Why did you give up Facebook for Lent and what’s happened since you did that?
I have become very attached to my Facebook; I receive email notifications, check it on my phone between classes, and would spend 15-20 minutes a night responding to posts and looking at my friends’ pages. After participating in camps and trips with people all over the country and moving halfway across the country to go to school, facebook seemed like a great way to stay in touch with my friends and updated on their lives. However, as our dependance (and time “wasted”) on facebook increased, I have found myself increasingly curious as to what might happen if I deactivated for awhile; though I am still not sure if I will make it the full 40 days, lent seemed like the perfect opportunity to take on this challenge.
Within fifteen minutes of deactivating my facebook, one of my best friends from home called me; he told me he tried to write on my wall but it was gone and he wanted to make sure that I was ok. I explained to him that I had given up facebook for Lent. When he asked why I told him that his calling me was the reason; we rarely talked on the phone, but without Facebook he was forced to call me. Since then, whenever something funny happens or I am reminded of him and have the urge to post on his wall I find myself texting; though this is not as personal as a phone call arguably it is a bit more personal than facebook. On the other hand, my friend complained that he had enjoyed looking at our wall to wall, and this “history” of our friendship was gone. Moreover, all of the pictures of us were gone (and since I take so many pictures, his picture count – another measure of “facebook popularity” was gone). Over the next few days many of my friends had similar reactions – my sister complained that our pictures from Christmas break were gone, and another friend texted me worried that she “had somehow managed to do irrevocable damage to our relationship …. [because she] could not come up with another reason [ I] would un-friend [her] on facebook.”
Can you break out how you use email, Facebook, voice, texting and other messaging capabilities?
Email is for mass messaging; though I recieved over 50 emails a day, generally less than five of these are addressed only to me. Email is used for communications between the University, teachers, and student groups. Though I maintain a “personal” account in addition to my school email, I probably only receive five such emails a week. Though sometimes obnoxious, email is a great form of mass communications. Teachers are able to send out lesson plans or class announcements. It is also useful for running quick ideas by the members of executive boards in different student groups; with our busy schedules it is much easier to approve a new flyer via email than it is to have a two hour meeting. However, I find that my emails are strictly school related; more personal communications among my peers happen via Facebook and texting.
Though its interface is less advanced than email’s – you have to log into facebook to use it, you cant as easily attach pictures or format messages, and you can’t add or delete just a single person from a group message – Facebook is increasingly used for personal messaging. It is on facebook that I will send my friends from home long messages about my personal life, and it is in facebook that I will keep in touch with my younger sister.
Texting, on the other hand, is used for quick, important messages. I will use text messaging to ask my friend if she wants to get dinner or let my roommate know that I locked myself out of the room. It is very useful for our busy college lives – students can quickly text in between classes and in the library – and we never have to worry about someone’s phone ringing in class.
Ironically, I use the “phone” feature of my iphone the least; I really only use it to keep in touch with my parents. Talking on the phone is, in many ways, inconvenient. Like personal meetings, I find myself using text messages or email to schedule occasional “phone chats” with my best friend who live across the country.
So where do you see voice capabilities going?
In many ways I find that voice capabilities are outdated; as we emerge as a multitasking society, devoting our attention to one phone call when we could be responding to emails while on the subway.
However, I think that it is important to be noted that our mobile capabilities will vary greatly geographically. In New York it is convenient to respond to emails while on the subway – what else can we get done while crowded on the subway for an hour every day. On the other hand, at home in Texas I found that my commute was the perfect time to make long phone calls; I could not text or email while driving, but plugging my headset in gave me the perfect twenty minutes to catch up with a friend or relative.
How do people measure “popularity” on Facebook?
Though it is really more a measure of activity, people measure their “popularity” by “unprompted wall posts.” If I write to a friend “How’s it going, haven’t talked to you in awhile” and they respond this would be a “prompted” wall post. On the other hand, whenever I am out and reminded of an inside joke or see a news article that a friend might find funny I will post it on my friend’s wall. Because I randomly thought of my friend and posted this they feel more popular.
More importantly, however, is the notion of photo tagging. After a fun weekend everyone runs back to their computer to upload and tag their pictures. This idea has very much permeated our actions while we are out, someone will say: “Smile, I need a new profile picture” or immediately delete an unflattering picture off my camera because they know it will go on Facebook. When my friends and I first went to college we could measure people’s happiness at their new school by the number of new facebook tags that they had; those with hundreds the first week were meeting lots of people and those without any were probably siting in their rooms all night. However, this brings up another photo predicament- the difference between photos that you tagged yourself and photos that friends tagged. When you click to see someone’s photos you see the count both of photos that you yourself have tagged and that friends have tagged of you. Ideally at least half of your photos were tagged by other people; this means you have friends that you hang out with on a regular basis. This presents a problem for the “responsible one” who takes all the photos. When you are one of the only people who regularly brings a camera, naturally you will have all of the photos. Do you tag eery photo you have of yourself, or does that make you seem self-absorbed?
Finally we get to the notion of “untagging” photos; when a friend tags a photo of you you are notified and have the option to remove this tag. Obviously (though practically fewer people conform to this than you would think) we should untag incriminating photos- one of these days those crazy nights in college will come back to haunt us. However, should we untag a photo in which our hair is not perfect or we are pictured with our ex boyfriend? What if this means that our photo counts will decrease twofold?
What does your computer do for you without the Internet?
Nothing. I use my computer to check my email, read the news, and even do homework assignments. Several of my classes require me to connect to remote machines to even begin working; without the internet this would be impossible. I even use the internet to watch movies and TV shows online. Without the internet I can really only use my word processor. If know that I will be on a flight or otherwise temporarily without a connection I can download my lectures and maybe even a movie, but that only lasts so long. Internet has become second nature; I assume that I will have wireless whenever I open up my computer. Without it my laptop is nothing more than a fancy typewriter.
What about Facebook Relationships?
Breakups used to be private things; you would call your best friend and she would bring over a pint of ice cream. These days 1,000 of your best friends will also know. The minute that you are in a new relationship or break up with someone, it will appear on your mini-feed. People can comment as well as click the “like” button. This has its advantages and disadvantages.
Though breakups are private, sometimes its easier not to have to tell all of your friends and acquaintances what happened. Instead, when they see it on facebook, they will know not ask you about your significant other.
Your relationship status on facebook sends out a message to all of your new friends; when you friend someone new this sends a message as to whether or not you can be pursued.
Beginning a relationship, however, poses a new set of problems. After you have been seeing someone, at what point do you remove single from your profile? How long then until you are officially “in a relationship?” Is it easier to avoid being Facebook friends with someone that you are casually seeing? Or maybe delete your all together? Though it seems superficial to worry about a website, in many ways this publicity is a marker for larger things in your relationship.
Moreover, as soon as you are in a relationship, how do you feel about everyone knowing. Did you “steal” this person from a friend? How will they feel? Most importantly, however, is the message that it sends to your ex. Is it a race to see which of you will be in a new “official relationship” first? I have seen exes “go public” with their new relationships within days of each other; is this a coincidence? If you are still good friends with your ex, should you tell them before you “go public” or is it appropriate for them to find out with the rest of the world.